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I’ll Rise

I love this poem by Maya Angelou so much I had to share it again. Even though she’s talking about racism, I feel it applies to being the subject to a bully, it feels like the same oppression and terror, but still I’ll rise!

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
–Maya Angelou

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Will my bully destroy me?

So my bully who is hell bent on destroying me, has been harassing me for two years and counting, imagine getting emails like this daily, weekly, monthly, for two years…

“Thanks for the LAUGH… we are ALL laughing AT you!!! Who calls the police on themselves??? OH!! DELUSIONAL YOU! THE PERPETUAL VICTIM!! Or are you just plain STUPID??? challenged? retarded? let me guess… silly you didn’t learn from the many, many personal experiences presented to you over the course of your pathetic life! definition>> INSANITY- doing the same thing over and over and over and over again but expecting different results…. hey!!! just like YOU! ROFLMAO Have you figured it out yet??? Have you figured out that YOU have never and will never have any meaning or lasting impact on ANYONE? YOU DON’T MATTER!!!! HA! YOU make NO difference… YOU are NOW and will ALWAYS be a PARASITE!!!”

And I wish it was only emails. She comes over to my house and threatens my life. So while I live in fear of when she may actually commit harm to me, she lives happily enjoying her assholelishness. Oh, and the part where she says “we are all laughing at you,” she means herself and her kids. Because she has made it clear she is teaching them to hate me. And this is really the biggest tragedy innocent children having it pounded in their heads that hate is good!  It is child abuse to teach children to hate; and all the authorities can ignore that fact but it is still the truth.

Now, I know her kids and they don’t hate me. They are actually extremely confused by their mother’s behavior, blowing their self-esteem.  Blowing their self confidence and their natural growth for independence. How will it effect them as they grow up only time will tell?

What would you do if you had a bully? Would you kill yourself to get away? Would you call the police and hope the authorities take notice? Or would you go on living like it meant nothing?

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My Bully has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

“The BPD individual, typically a female (yes, that is documented) is one whose mental state renders her a significant emotional, psychological and often physical danger to anyone in her life, and in particular men with whom she becomes involved romantically.” Or the women who come into their exes lives, which has been my case. I met my soulmate and his last relationship has BPD.

So, I wanted to help warn anyone, especially men, that BPD people are very dangerous people. Their agenda is to be mean, evil, and destroy because they enjoy it. “And one other thing must be incorporated into your understanding of the BPD. They are in total control of what they are doing.  There is no organic factor or deficit in self control that causes what they do. Their acts are willful and premeditated. They comprehend the difference between right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, truth and lies, reality and fantasy.” They just don’t care. They love seeing others suffer in pain. And if they manage to destroy another as they laugh about it, throw themselves a party. Another person’s misery brings a BPD pure joy.

“Any notion that they cannot help their actions, which you will most frequently hear from BPD’s or the unscrupulous clinicians who profit from their condition by helping them rationalize their behavior, is completely fraudulent.”

They know what they are doing and they enjoy it!”

“Given the absolute potential for devastation that the BPD brings into the lives of anyone unfortunate enough to be in their path, it is pretty important to understand the prognosis for their condition. There is no psychotropic medication that treats BPD and there is no known cognitive therapy that works with them. In short, they have an intractable condition that is impervious to treatment of any kind. They cannot be helped near as much as they can be avoided…”

“There is a running joke among psychiatric professionals about BPD’s. And yes, we told jokes about serious problems. It is one of the ways clinicians deal with the stress of working with them.  Anyway, it’s a simple one-liner.”

“You don’t treat borderlines, you ignore them. Get away from them!”

Go directly in the other direction. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.00. Just get thee…away; chalk whatever losses you suffer up to experience and be grateful about what you could have lost.”

Hear this, and hear it clearly. They are NOT going to get better. Ever! There is nothing you can do, no kindness you can extend, no sympathy you can embrace, no psychological slight-of-hand, nor the culmination of wisdom from your entire life’s experience that you can bring to bear to make a BPD anything other than a major, life draining pain in the ass and a potential nightmare waiting to destroy everything you have, inside and out.”

–credit for this article goes to: Paul Elam an author and founder of “A Voice for Men”, http://www.avoiceformen.com/women/borderline-personality-disorder-sick-or-just-crazy-asshole/

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Adult Bullies

I am middle aged. Something I am proud of. I don’t mind getting old even if the person who has been bullying me for two years now likes to throw verbal insults, like “you’re old, you LOSER!” in my face. I don’t see myself as old. I see myself as wiser and stronger. And when people meet me they can’t believe that I am as old as I am. So for me getting older is a win win situation. But this isn’t my point. The point is there is a middle-aged “adult” bully in my life at a time when I thought such childish behavior would be behind me.

But, some people are so jealous of others, in fact in love with another person’s life that they have to try and cut it down to make themselves feel better. Can you imagine feeling so worthless that you have to terrorize someone else to feel better about yourself? I doubt it works for her, but this is the only resource she has after 49 some-odd-years of living on this planet. Her only skill set is to humiliate and destroy those she has targeted.

The truth is these adult bullies have no life of their own and it makes them angry. But instead of going out and getting their own life, they waste their time trying to destroy another. My bully likes to harass me in many ways. She has verbally threatened to harm me physically. She has verbally thrown hundreds of insults at me, like “you are old, baron, stupid, and a loser,” just to name of few. All of which, I know are not true. Actually what I have come to realize over the years is this, these are things my bully is made of. She reflects her own inadequacies onto me.

After two years of enduring this bully and doing research on bullying, I can now start to separate myself from it and find the humor in it. Humor is the freedom from any tyranny. My conclusion, my bully is in love with me. This acknowledgement comes from deep within me. The soul knows. This may seem odd, but love has many meanings, one of which is affection based on common interests. Our common interests, my bully wants to be my Facebook friend, my Instagram follower, my Google+ follower, at my home when uninvited, you name it. She is lurking and constantly trying to infiltrate all of my social media and personal life. She really is obsessed with getting a reaction out of me to validate her control.

And yes, I have to admit, she did get me to react, but that was after a year and half of her continuous bullying. I mean, even Mother Theresa would have reacted. We are only human after all. And the research shows it is a natural reaction to want to stick up for yourself. So I reacted exactly how she wanted me to with anger because I was scared. And then she turned it around, got a lawyer, and claimed she was being victimized by me. She is a sneaky mentally disturbed lady. What I should have done was confronted her openly which is recommended. Confront them, with support, an advocate, and ask them to stop.

After two years of researching bullies and examining my own experience I have concluded, my bully is so jealous of me and wants my life so desperately that is has become an obsession and love affair with her. My good life makes her so angry, and since she can’t manage to fulfill her own life she is “hell bent on ruining mine.” My adult bully feels better belittling and threatening harm to others, since usually an adult bully has many victims. Know you are not alone. I can see now, she really has a deep desire to be me. She wishes she had my successful career, my creative talents, and most of all my ability to be in long loving relationships. I know this because she constantly refers to the things in my life as insignificant, while trying to boost her own. Like I care what she has or doesn’t have. I just want to be left alone.

You know when you have those ‘aha moments’ that seem to come from a place higher than yourself? Ever since I had this realization, I am starting to feel better about my situation that will probably be in my life as long as I reside where I do. I realize this bully is not me. The things she says, are about her. I will not take on her troubles. And neither should anyone out there terrorized by a bully. Just realizing a bully is in their own world of anguish, which has nothing to do with you, will make you feel better. And confronting them is empowering. Just make sure you have someone there to support and protect you, if needed. You may find it will stop. You may find it gets worse, which was my case. Yet it has made me realize, my worthy life really bothers her. She is weaker than me. Hate, as powerful as it seems, is always weaker than just.

Tips for stopping an adult bully

Remember their motivation: “Adult bullies act out for the same reasons that kid bullies do; they’re trying to make up for some shortcoming of their own.” But the adult bully has gotten much better at hiding what they do, since they have developed a diagnosable personality disorder, so:
•    Separate yourself from them, if possible
•    Stop playing the victim, meaning don’t react back
•    Take a stand, meaning confront them with preparation and assertion
•    Tell someone who can help, get an advocate
•    Document the abuse

Related articles:
•    How to handle being bullied as an adult
•    Beware of the criminal hiding behind God

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